Reflections

As I am sitting here thinking about my life and this journey to 50, the first thing that I have to accept, in my mind, is that I have fewer days ahead of me than have passed. Under normal circumstances. I don't mean that to say that I sit around and dwell on my ultimate demise. But for purposes of reflection, it's a humbling place to start followed closely by gratitude.

              

                         

I would not be the man I am today without the good, the bad and the ugly. I thank God from bringing me this far. I Grew up in a time when we never really thought about being poor.   What we had, the family and friends, made us feel like we were rich!!!! In my mind, we grew up in the best places and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Wheather that was Fitchburg, Massachusetts, Jackson, MS or Memphis, TN. During a time when everyone treated each other like family. We went outside first thing in the morning to play, we got dirty, ate dirt, and didn't go home until dinner. We ate whatever mama or granny cooked; there were no custom orders, questions, or negotiations! We looked forward to the ice cream truck and asking for a dollar to get and ice cream and keep the change for a trip to 7-11 for a Cherry Coke Slurpee later. We played kick ball, freeze-tag, double dutch jump rope, hopscotch, jacks, red light-green light, Hide and Seek or Dodge Ball. Basketball was a milk crate on the tree in the backyard of my Granny's neighbor. We went to the Public Pool without the viruses on the brain. 

                                                        

There were no bottled waters...we drank from the faucet or the water hose when we got thirsty from running all day and playing "outside games". We roller skated. We walked or rode our bikes in the street without a helmet. If you wanted to get a hold of your friends, you called them from a landline, or went to their house and knocked on the door. We had no cable, just regular TV with only a few channels and you needed to actually get up to change the channel... plus all of those good old time shows and movies.  We weren't afraid of anything. If you fell down you'd better suck it up 'cause you couldn't run in and out of the house for a scratch or any other reason or you would have to stay in. If someone had a fight, that's what it was....a fight that started and ended right there. The next day it was over. At night we caught lightning bugs and when the street lights came on we were reminded to get our butts in the house or at least out front during the summer. We watched our mouths around adults because we knew if you were DISRESPECTFUL to ANY grown up you were gonna get popped real quick...."NOW, SAY IT AGAIN!" LOL...... I wouldn't change a thing.

Reflecting and remembering things through a very different, older lense has allowed me to take ownership of things but also, it has allowed me the opportunity to forgive myself. I am the result of all the things I have gone AND got through and I ain't mad about it. There are very few things that I would have done differently or that I regret. I just hope that I have learned from it all and that nothing was in vain.

I'll tell you what my truth is; every time I was right, I was right.....and every single time I was wrong, I was wrong. Ownership has been a repetivive feature in my brain. I'm making progress in that area and I tend to be able to own my stuff, but some stuff still hurts too much to admit.