To Jessica

 I think I’ve imagined this letter on some level many times over the years but somehow I never imagined myself sending it.  Without a doubt pride and ego have played a part in it.  Whatever excuses there are, I’m sending it now.  Since the last time I can remember reaching out to you, so much has happened in my life. 

Life changing highs and plenty of opportunities to have made better decisions have been the motivations for this ode to our friendship. I’m here and the one thing that hasn’t changed is that I remain blessed.  

As I approach turning 50 I felt the need to lighten my soul a little and do my part to let go of any lingering things so that I take as few “woulda, coulda, shoudas” as possible into the next decade.  

Right now, I’m sitting on a plane flying to Seattle for work and memories are flooding my thoughts and I’m overwhelmed with emotion. Nostalgic instances hit me like a ton of bricks and I'm taken back to the first time I remember seeing your face and I smile. 

Over the years, I’ve told my husband lots about you and our friendship.  I smile every time. Then I feel sad because I miss you.  I think I’ve been so worried about your response or lack there of, I’ve avoided sending anything to you or make any attempt to figure this feeling out. There’s that pride and ego showing up again. I think now I realize this is for me and I have to be ok moving forward. The love and honesty and admiration that our friendship was built on has not been forgotten about. 

The impact that you have had on my life is immeasurable. What drew me to you initially, I still hold on to. Your strength, your drive, your desire to be the best mom ever and your dedication to your son are things that I will alway admire about you.  You reminded me of my own mother and I loved those things about you.  

I roll my eyes thinking about the cliche saying “people show up in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime”.  It has always seemed so empty but I think I truly understand what it means in this instance; I was sure we had a lifetime. The season was right on time. The reason may not be clear to me yet but I smile when I think about the fun and tears well up in my eyes when I think about the challenges we’ve seen each other through.  No matter where we find ourselves after this, I love you and what you’ve meant to me. If we never speak again, please know that you have left a wonderful impression on my life and I’d like to say thank you for being a part of my journey.